Jaye (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jayes_musings) wrote2020-01-05 01:29 pm
jayes_musings) wrote2020-01-05 01:29 pm
Entry tags:
New Year, Same Old
Well, here again for another New Year post of looking back at missed opportunities and lack of progress and making optimistic promises to myself (mainly) that will nonetheless fall by the wayside long before this new year is out.
Yes, that's the kind of mood I'm in.
This year has been quite sucky on a personal level (and I'm not even going to get into politics or what's happening across the world), especially the last two or three months. My sister-in-law (husband's sister) died at the end of October from a very rare and aggressive cancer, and we had spent many weekends during the year to help her out with things or giving his other sister a break from the main task of caring for her. Then as that was going on, tensions increased between myself and my only co-worker. While I am the Director/Boss, as we pretty much work independently of each other, and she has more knowledge than I do in certain areas of the job, I was happy to maintain more of a equal co-worker relationship with her. She had already insisted the Board give her a loftier job title than the position merits of Assistant Director. By the end of October, she was calling herself Co-Director, which not only doesn't exist, especially in a job where there are only two of us anyway, but she didn't have the qualifications for by a long way and was not interested in obtaining them. It became clear that while the previous Director had certainly had his issues, she had been a big cause for him to leave the job. By the November board meeting, I too was close to quitting because of her attempts to do my job and even that of the Board President. When she didn't get her way at that meeting and her insisting on arguing with me about a (non) issue she wouldn't let go of, she quit. So my November was taken up with not only supporting my husband after his sister's death and arranging her funeral, but sifting out applicants (which was interesting of itself), and though H didn't leave until Thanksgiving, she really didn't do anything work-wise and left me passive-aggressive notes about what I needed to do. I interviewed applicants (again H was miffed that she wasn't in on the interview process) and I hired a Library Aide (proper title). I worked two extra days when K started to train her, which if anyone knows the job is not long enough as you have to do pretty much everything from Circ Desk to Reference to Interlibrary Loans to Processing Materials as well as just becoming familiar with the library and the vast array of questions that can come up. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to train her directly for longer as they didn't want to pay me for the hours. At the same time, we experienced computer network issues for almost 2 weeks where our public computers couldn't access the Internet and the printer wasn't networked, and a we print a lot, not only as a service for patrons but in doing out job...and all of this at one of the busiest times of the year as we are trying to publicize and promote Holiday programs. And I'm also doing most of the processing because K is not yet able to (and not being able to print slowed training down even more) as well as all the admin that is strictly my job. I saw a specialist for a particular issue in December and one of the blood tests indicated a possible other (chronic) issue and I have a referral for that. If this possible other issue is indeed what the test indicated then some things will make a lot of sense with how I've been feeling for quite a while.
My escape has been TV and being entertained with minimal effort from me. Recently, I've been rewatching "Once Upon a Time", which I haven't done since it first aired, and I've also enjoyed "The Boys" which is so messed up, it really appeals to me and I'm about halfway through "The Witcher" which I am loving. I tried "American Gods" as I liked (most) of the book and I like Ian McShane, but I just couldn't get into it, far too much style over substance for me.
So, with all that the thing I love doing -- writing -- has suffered tremendously. Even when I haven't been working or helping husband out with sorting his sister's estate or preparing for the Holidays myself, I've had very little to no brain power at all left for writing, either my standalone stuff or my collaborative writing...to which I have already apologized to my writing partner for. Indeed looking at my word counts for November and December, they are a very disappointing 3,800 and 1,200 respectively. I do admit I just completely gave up and didn't even bother for December.
Now for 2020, I hope to turn that around (although I haven't had much of a chance to get moving on that yet). My head is getting back into the mindset that it needs to be in, and I am in the processing of rereading some of our threads to just refresh my memory on things. So, beginning today, writing will be happening again! I'm also treating myself to a new laptop. My old one is almost 10 years old(!) and though it still works is slow and doesn't hold a charge. I do like my Chromebook, but it does have its limitations as well, one being that I don't care to save all my writing on Google Docs.
I also want to focus on doing more crafting. I have a couple of sewing projects I need to do and I really want to get better at crocheting -- I can do basic stitching but that's about it. And even knitting. My mum always tried to teach me when I was a kid, and I just couldn't get the hang of it, perhaps I can now. There is a fabric/yarn store near me that holds classes and perhaps one day they will have one on a day I'm not working! My health as well will be given more thought to, losing weight and getting some issues taken care of or at least managed.
Okay, so to summarize: More writing both RP and my own stuff, especially the everlasting novel! And to do more crafting stuffs
Yes, that's the kind of mood I'm in.
This year has been quite sucky on a personal level (and I'm not even going to get into politics or what's happening across the world), especially the last two or three months. My sister-in-law (husband's sister) died at the end of October from a very rare and aggressive cancer, and we had spent many weekends during the year to help her out with things or giving his other sister a break from the main task of caring for her. Then as that was going on, tensions increased between myself and my only co-worker. While I am the Director/Boss, as we pretty much work independently of each other, and she has more knowledge than I do in certain areas of the job, I was happy to maintain more of a equal co-worker relationship with her. She had already insisted the Board give her a loftier job title than the position merits of Assistant Director. By the end of October, she was calling herself Co-Director, which not only doesn't exist, especially in a job where there are only two of us anyway, but she didn't have the qualifications for by a long way and was not interested in obtaining them. It became clear that while the previous Director had certainly had his issues, she had been a big cause for him to leave the job. By the November board meeting, I too was close to quitting because of her attempts to do my job and even that of the Board President. When she didn't get her way at that meeting and her insisting on arguing with me about a (non) issue she wouldn't let go of, she quit. So my November was taken up with not only supporting my husband after his sister's death and arranging her funeral, but sifting out applicants (which was interesting of itself), and though H didn't leave until Thanksgiving, she really didn't do anything work-wise and left me passive-aggressive notes about what I needed to do. I interviewed applicants (again H was miffed that she wasn't in on the interview process) and I hired a Library Aide (proper title). I worked two extra days when K started to train her, which if anyone knows the job is not long enough as you have to do pretty much everything from Circ Desk to Reference to Interlibrary Loans to Processing Materials as well as just becoming familiar with the library and the vast array of questions that can come up. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to train her directly for longer as they didn't want to pay me for the hours. At the same time, we experienced computer network issues for almost 2 weeks where our public computers couldn't access the Internet and the printer wasn't networked, and a we print a lot, not only as a service for patrons but in doing out job...and all of this at one of the busiest times of the year as we are trying to publicize and promote Holiday programs. And I'm also doing most of the processing because K is not yet able to (and not being able to print slowed training down even more) as well as all the admin that is strictly my job. I saw a specialist for a particular issue in December and one of the blood tests indicated a possible other (chronic) issue and I have a referral for that. If this possible other issue is indeed what the test indicated then some things will make a lot of sense with how I've been feeling for quite a while.
My escape has been TV and being entertained with minimal effort from me. Recently, I've been rewatching "Once Upon a Time", which I haven't done since it first aired, and I've also enjoyed "The Boys" which is so messed up, it really appeals to me and I'm about halfway through "The Witcher" which I am loving. I tried "American Gods" as I liked (most) of the book and I like Ian McShane, but I just couldn't get into it, far too much style over substance for me.
So, with all that the thing I love doing -- writing -- has suffered tremendously. Even when I haven't been working or helping husband out with sorting his sister's estate or preparing for the Holidays myself, I've had very little to no brain power at all left for writing, either my standalone stuff or my collaborative writing...to which I have already apologized to my writing partner for. Indeed looking at my word counts for November and December, they are a very disappointing 3,800 and 1,200 respectively. I do admit I just completely gave up and didn't even bother for December.
Now for 2020, I hope to turn that around (although I haven't had much of a chance to get moving on that yet). My head is getting back into the mindset that it needs to be in, and I am in the processing of rereading some of our threads to just refresh my memory on things. So, beginning today, writing will be happening again! I'm also treating myself to a new laptop. My old one is almost 10 years old(!) and though it still works is slow and doesn't hold a charge. I do like my Chromebook, but it does have its limitations as well, one being that I don't care to save all my writing on Google Docs.
I also want to focus on doing more crafting. I have a couple of sewing projects I need to do and I really want to get better at crocheting -- I can do basic stitching but that's about it. And even knitting. My mum always tried to teach me when I was a kid, and I just couldn't get the hang of it, perhaps I can now. There is a fabric/yarn store near me that holds classes and perhaps one day they will have one on a day I'm not working! My health as well will be given more thought to, losing weight and getting some issues taken care of or at least managed.
Okay, so to summarize: More writing both RP and my own stuff, especially the everlasting novel! And to do more crafting stuffs